“No” over a “Yes” ?

One of the most difficult things to do is to be able to say “No” guilt-free.

We are often trapped in this situation and end up saying a “Yes” when all we want to say is a “No”. It’s not easy saying a “No” especially to the ones who matter to us.

But does it make us feel good? It definitely lands us in the pool of guilt of not being true to others and to ourselves. And there is no regret bigger than faking ourselves.

These situations are generally encountered with everybody (lovers, friends or colleagues) except Parents. Because with Mom Dad , you know you can never win! They are secretly blessed with special powers to be able to convince their kids. And if the kids are still not convinced, they use another set of powers. (This will definitely lead me in digging my own grave!)

So here I am this week inviting myself and my readers to introspect ourselves as to how we feel each time we say a Yes to someone (except Parents, alas!) after burying our “No” somewhere deep beneath.

There is no use going to a party when you don’t want to. It will only end up being super-boring. No use drinking alcohol just to be “part of the group” when it is against your ethics. You will end up hating yourself even more. No use fulfilling every demand of your lover when it doesn’t make you feel good. You will end up leaving him/her “earlier”.

Why do we continue saying a Yes then ? We believe that refusing may lead the other person thinking us to be selfish, uncaring or rude. There is also a fear of being disliked, gossiped about or risking our friendships. But the thing to note here is that no matter how many times you accept requests or say a Yes, it won’t make any difference the next time you refuse! Your refusal would be counted and not acceptances.

Jab ek taraf kuan hai aur dusri taraf khai, toh isn’t it better we jump where we like?

It is a hard fact that the only person that will stay with you till your last breath is YOU. Hence, it is imperative to respect your decisions and choices. And the ones to whom you matter will end up staying with you even if you turn down their requests with genuine reasons.

I am sharing a few keys to unlock the secret of refusing or turning down someone’s request in a graceful manner :

  1. Honesty is a prerequisite to be able to refuse : Trust me, being honest in today’s world is like a “luxurious” quality that only a few possess. You will earn a new level of respect not just from the other person(s) but also yourself.
  2. Communication is the key : If there is something that doesn’t suit you, be kind enough to communicate to the other person. We often build up stories in our head and think of all possible consequences that might happen if we say NO but never take a step forward to honestly communicate. It’s bad on our part to deprive the other person of knowing what we truly want.
  3. Keep your response simple : Rather than saying “Sorry, I won’t be able to make it this time”, we end up directing a short film involving characters & situations that are making us refuse.
  4. Differentiate Refusal from Rejection : It is important to make yourself and the other person clear that you are turning down a request and not that person.

Guys it’s completely okay to say a No unless you are legally bound to someone. People have a right to ask you for a favour or invite you for a party, and so do you have the right to respond per your convenience.

Easy said than done, yet what’s the harm in giving it a try? After all, we all know how badly we want to master this ! 🙂

PS : This practice of saying a “No” doesn’t apply to my requests of reading my bits, please!

1 Comment

  1. The article was very nice. But I don’t think you can’t say no to your parents. I think we should follow what is correct in principle. And people value it. A guy marries a girl and his father demands dowry from girls father. If he doesn’t say no to his father he is wrong. The world values those people who stand with principles not to the ones who do things according to their loved ones. We respect Prahlad even when he said no to his father. We burn Meghnad who listened to his father and did what his father said. He was a good son but not a good person. So Principles should prevail and we shall say no to anything we feel wrong or incorrect even if it’s against our parents or other loved ones.


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