Loneliness vs Aloneness

Happy Friendship’s Day my fellow readers. Before I begin writing, I am wondering whether it is morally right to pen down my views on ‘Aloneness’ on a day which celebrates ‘Togetherness’ ? Kya main apne paer par kulhari toh nahin maar rahi.

Well, life mein risk nahin liya toh kya kiya ? So here I go.

To understand literally, Loneliness is a state of being alone. And so is Aloneness. Then what makes the two different? For me these words were synonyms until I experienced the two and realized the huge difference.

This is the age of Facebook, Snapchat, Whatsapp and the desire to always stay connected to people around you. The moment our phones stop working or data pack is over, we get panic attacks and feel as if landed on some stranded island. God knows if some of us even play this in our heads – Duniya mein hum aye hai toh jeena hi padega! No?

Loneliness is a state of ‘absence’ where you crave for friends or company but don’t have one and this makes you sad leaving you incomplete.

Whereas Aloneness is a state of  ‘presence’ where even if you don’t have friends or company, you are not in a turmoil.

I have a few acquaintances in my life who always need company, be it for shopping, watching a movie etc and they can’t spend time alone or to put it this way, ‘without a company’! They always need some one around them and if being around is not possible, then being online is a must.

This is completely normal. We all are/were like this at some point in our lives. Aren’t we? Even I was. That desire to have someone with you to share your stuff with. To make make you feel good about yourself.

But unfortunately, in this whole process of desiring others’ company, we start depending too much on them, thus building unnecessary expectations. And when those expectations are unfulfilled, we end up feeling disappointed and lonely. We feel unstable and start questioning self if we really are worth the company of others?

Has anyone of you ever gone to watch a movie or shopping all by yourself? Well, I have. I still remember how tough it was for my friends to accept the fact that I went for a movie all by myself. Why not? Think of it this way – If you don’t love your company, what difference does it make if others don’t love it too? Such is the case of being in Solitude or Aloneness. 

It is a wonderful space to be in! You experience completeness and aliveness inspite of all the rejections and disappointments in life. Wondering ye kaise ho sakta hai?

It is possible guys. All you have to do is spend more time with ‘Yourself’. Itna mushkil bhi nahin hai. Once you start ‘staying connected’ more within, you will no longer crave for someone’s company or blame others to be a reason for your troubles! Get it straight – Isolation is different from Solitude. And this blog talks of the latter.

Once you truly accept yourself just the way you are, you won’t need anybody’s certification.

Try this – Stand in front of a mirror. Look into the eyes of the person in the mirror. Does it make you uncomfortable? Do you want to just turn away?

It’s high time and You know what to do.

This Friendship’s Day, discover the friend within – the one who has been longing to connect to you ever since but you always remained offline.

It’s time to Connect to YOU.


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